And I ain't the man to take you.
I take it you're Mad Bob?.
We go on three.
One...
..two...
three!
BOB: 850 the crossing. 200 deposit.
No refunds.
But we get to see your boat?.
What for?.
We get to see the boat.
Righty-ho, you get to see the boat.
Shark.
35-footer.
Fell off my bike. Two-wheeler.
FRANK: Let's go.
BOB: There she is.
Is this yours?.
FRANK: It's all right.
It's good.
Yeah, very nice.
CHAN: There you go, fellas. FRANK: What date is it?.
EDDlE: 22nd June. CHAN: Aye, it's the 22nd.
NORMAN: Hang on. Is that a two or a five?. - You sure?.
Yeah, it's the 22nd.
ROB: One...two...three!
(Cheering)
Forthey are jolly good fellows
For they are jolly good fellows
And so say all of us
- Where were you?. - Sorry, I got held up.
- I'll get you some food. - No, it's fine, I've...
And a nice big piece of cake.
- Were you waiting for me?. - They were.
It's fine. It worked out better. Come on, let's go crazy.
(Shrieking)
Hey!
Here.
So what did you get them?.
The kids?. Since when did I do the shopping?. Your mother likes to get those things.
You got them those racetracks.
Mum still does that thing where she signs the card
and makes it look like you've signed it, too.
How's the swimming coming on?.
I heard you are going to swim the English Channel.
- I didn't tell her. - You were right not to.
- Why?. - Because you heard wrong.
I heard that Danny parked Merv's boat halfway up the beach
and that you are planning to swim the Channel this summer.
Danny gets carried away.
- Saw you down the library. - I like reading.
- Saw you down the pool. - I like swimming.
What?.
I'm going to get some jelly before it's all gone.
You can have another go, can't you?.
I just can't seem to concentrate lately.
- You told him at last, then?. - No, it's not that. It's...something else.
I think he might be having an affair.
But he's acting so odd.
- I'm sorry, that's just daft. I mean... - Well, there's Vera.
(Michelle laughs)
It's not funny. She rang last week and...
It's probably just got something to do with the boat.
- What boat?. - The boat.
The lads are borrowing a boat to help Frank swim the Channel.
What channel?.
Thank you.
- Nice. - Mm.
You know we were talking about buying a car?.
Hm, I fixed the wing mirror back on.
Well, Michelle says Arthur Hall is selling his Metro. It's red.
- Thought we said a new car could wait?. - No, we didn't. You did.
Well, we have to be careful with the money from now on.
Michelle says the insides are just like new.
She also says you've been borrowing Merv's boat to help you train to swim the Channel.
The English Channel. And I was wondering when you were thinking about telling me.
I was also wondering how it is we can't afford a new car
but you can afford to pay for a boat to show you the way to bloody France.
I'd be worried about you trying to swim all that way, Frank, if I wasn 't so angry.
I've never asked you for anything, Frank. But honesty was something I took for granted.
Well, look who it is - the three wise monkeys.
Rob, your dad's got a few more lengths to do. Why don't we wait for him outside?.
I know about his little secret. I just want to talk to him, all right?.
- Come on. - Eddie...
Hey!
You're a liar, Dad.
You lied to me about swimming the Channel.
- Maybe I did. - Why?.
- Is it because I don't have a job?. - It's not about you.
Because I look after the twins?. I'm not ashamed of that, Dad.
I'm not ashamed like you think I should be.
Good. You're not ashamed.
No, but you are.
You're the one who's ashamed!
- I'm not listening to this. - Why?. What are you afraid of?.
Afraid I'll drown?. Look at me, I'm drowning.
36 years.
1 2 hours a day, five days a week.
Now you tell me, when was I supposed to go shopping?.
(Coughs)
He'll be OK. Just needs time to cool off.
We need to make sure you keep up the times.
- No. - What?.
No.
- I can't do it. EDDlE: But, Frank...
I can't do it.
FRANK: He's right. - Come on, Frank. Come on.
I'm not going to be swimming.
(Turns engine off)
Your father didn't mean to hurt you.
I was married once.
Her name was Bridget.
She left me for a jam salesman.
She never even liked jam.
I didn't bother with women again after that.
I was too scared the same thing would happen all over.
If anyone tried to get close, I just pushed them away.
Your father did the same thing with you after the accident.
Pushed you away.
He blames me.
No, he doesn't.
He blames himself. Always has.
Now you're soaking the seat and it's leather. It'll stain.
All that way, Frank.
I thought we were too old for secrets.
Like learning how to drive a bus?.
There was an ad in the paper.
I failed twice.
But I'm going to take it again. I'm not giving up.
Let's just play when it smashes.
All right, you ready?. You take that one, all right?.
ANGELA: We're not catching the train, James.
There's no point in racing, I've got the keys, remember.
- (Whispers) Pappy?. - Sh!
- Are you playing a game?. - Yeah.
ANGELA: Don't make me come back out. - You better go inside.
- Is it a secret?. - Yeah.
Like Daddy's wee brother?.
He says we mustn't talk about him. That it makes you sad.
Does it make you sad?.
Sometimes.
- I won't tell. - Good boy.
Are you going to swim the Channel?.
I don't know. What do you think?.
Dad says it's too dangerous.
What is the Channel?.
It's the sea between England and France.
Are there any...sharks?.
No sharks.
- Crocodiles?. - Mm-mn.
- Piranhas?. - Bananas?.
- Piranhas?. - Piranhas!
No, no piranhas.
It doesn't sound too dangerous to me, then.
ANGELA: I'll count to five.
I can swim like a fish.
ANGELA: Are you stopping out here all day or are you coming in?.
Hey, big man, you not swimming?.
Yes!
That's £5 you owe me. I told you he'd be here.
We're the delegation.
A delegation?.
- It's a kind of a gang. - Thanks for that, Danny.
Does the delegation have a proposal?.
EDDlE: Yeah.
We think you're wrong to give up.
Now we've come this far.
- We also think you're a big daft bollocks... - See him?.
See that little laddie with red hair?.
It takes everything out of him just to swim one width. Just one.
He won't take any help and he never gives up.
Ever.
- And when he gets to the other side... - Yes!
I'm not giving up.
That toilet needs cleaning again.
Do it yourself.
He's on his knees and she's...
Take it steady.
All right, ladies?. Pam.
- Oh, my God! - All right, love?.
- You nearly finished?. - Uh-huh.
Only I thought we might go out.
You mean together?.
Oh, aye. You and me. Me and you.
Excuse me.
Please don't drop the bags.
They split.
Oh, aye?.
Sorry, pal.
- See you Wednesday. - See you Wednesday.
I nearly drowned.
- We heard. - In the sea.
- What were you doing in the sea?. - I don't know.
Do you want to go out with me?.
Yeah!
Good.
That's good.
Happy days.
(Shipping forecast on radio)
You smell of chlorine.
Like Dad when he was laid out.
He used to smell of oil and Woodbines.
I was 1 6.
You came round to talk to Dad about something.
I couldn't believe how handsome you were.
I'm learning to drive a bus.
And then, if I pass, I'm going to drive a bus.
It'll be my job, a proper job.
Driving a bus.
I'm going up.
So should you. You have a big day tomorrow.
Thanks for the sandwiches.
Good luck.
That...time when I came to see your father...
I didn't.
I came to see you.
DANNY: I spy with my little eye...
- You'll never get this. A. FRANK: Air freshener.
EDDlE: Ambulance. - No.
- You might get it, Norman. NORMAN: Why?.
Because you're nearer it. You could say you're on it.
- I'm on it?. - Kind of.
EDDlE: Arse. - No.
You'd have that as well. Unless it was Norman's arse.
NORMAN: Leave my arse out of this. DANNY: And that would be N-A.
(Gulls cry)
- You OK with heights?. - Yeah.
- You?. - Oh, yeah.
- You sure?. - Mm-hm.
FRANK: I was thinking about Joan. I should have told her.
Don't know what I was hiding.
- Maybe we should leave him alone. - Why?. We should be there for him.
- What if he doesn't want us there?. - Oh, you're as pig-headed as your father.
Of course he wants us there. He just doesn't know how to ask.
- But he's not going to achieve anything by it. - How do you know?.
Because he's not going to bring Stuart back by swimming the Channel.
Oh, Rob.
It's not Stuart he wants back.
I'm away.
- Mum, thanks for the toys. - It's OK.
What toys?.
(Fart)
DANNY: Better out than in, right?. EDDlE: For God's sake!
NORMAN: One more of them and you're sleeping in the car.
(Sniggering)
FRANK: I knew a guy once could fart in German.
(Laughter)
You took your time.
I'm sitting in the front.
The observer fellow seems all right.
Right, it's five o'clock. Let's get cracking.
OK, don't forget, don't touch the boat or anyone on it once you get going
or it will invalidate your swim.
When you get to France, get on dry land,
pick up a stone and bring it back to the boat.
OK.
- Good luck. - Thank you. Thank you.
Well, go.
- Good luck, mate. - Good luck, Frank.
Thanks, lads.
Right.
See yous.
- You're not joining us?. - No, I don't float very well.
Me, neither.
OK.
(Boat's engine starts up)
Come on, Frank.
That's the way.
Ah, we'll be there in no time, Frank.
It's a nice rhythm, that.
One, two, three, four...
I'm all right, Frank. I'm all right. Carry on.
- You passed, didn't you?. - I thought you'd never ask.
Well done, Mum. Congratulations, that's brilliant!
JOAN: I think we should celebrate with a gum drop.
- The fumes are killing me. - I can't help that.
I'm keeping this close to keep you on course.
FRANK: I can't breathe.
- I'll go ahead. - Well, what bloody use will I be then?.
Stupid bastard. Bloody fool.
TAPE: I am confident.
- I am confident. - I am a lion.
I am a lion. I'm not a timorous beastie.
I am a lion.
EDDlE: He's doing great. - No, he's not.
At this rate he's not going to make it to the cap before the ebb tide.
And if he doesn't, he's going to get swept back out to sea.
- lsn't that being bleak?. - No, he's right.
BOB: Look, I'll pick up the pace and he's going to have to keep up.
CHAN: Better do some hypothermia checks.
Can we get closer to him?.
Frank, where are you swimming from?.
England.
- Where in England?. - Dover.
- What day is it?. - What?.
- What day is it?. - Thursday.
He seems all right.
Come on.
I didn't think to ask where in France he was swimming to.
- There. That's where he's swimming to. ANGELA: How do you know?.
- Pappy showed me. - When did Pappy show you?.
I'm not telling you.
BOB: How many times did you try it yourself?.
Three.
- Did you ever make it?. - Third time lucky.
(Gulls cry)
There it is. Sortie - way out.
- What is it?. - Ebb tide.
BOB: It's dragging him back out. EDDlE: What if he can't beat it?.
- Can't you do anything?. - He's in for the long haul.
- He won't be able to last that long. - Yes, he will.
CHAN: His body temperature is dropping.
If he doesn't make this beach, he won't make it at all.
EDDlE: Frank!
You've only three miles to go, Frank.
I know you're hurting, but you got to swim faster.
The tide's against you. Frank, you've got to swim faster. Come on!
You can do it, Frank.
You can do it.
(Gulls cry)
(Yells in frustration)
FRANK: Stay there! Stay there! Don't move! Don't you move from there.
(Whimpering)
Stop that. Stop it!
(Gulls cry)
(Gasps)
Come on, Frank, come on.
No!
Is he all right?.
(Yells)
(Joan cries)
(Yells)
Bloody hell!
I need to come out, lads.
What do you think you're doing?.
Why don't you just take it slower for a wee while, see if it passes?.
I'm sorry, Chan.
I can't do it, mate.
You're nearly there. Look it's not far.
I can't do it.
OBSERVER: Your body is hurting because you're burning your fat.
It won't last. You'll get through it.
Yeah, Frank. It's just the pain barrier. It's all in your mind.
- Get me out! It's too far. - Bollocks! It's always been this far.
- You come in and swim it, then! - Fine. Get on board and we all can go home.
All my life I've looked up to you, Frank.
All my life.
- I never saw you back down from anything. - It's too far.
I'm nobody but you know that.
But I'm not daft. I see what's going on here.
Out here in the middle of nowhere.
But he's not here, is he, Frank?.
He never was.
It's taken you 23 years to find that out.
So what now?.
Well, I'll tell you what now.
You get back to swimming and you shut up about how far it is.
And you shut up about how much it hurts.
Because you don't have a choice. You never did.
So, come on.
Get stuck in and put some down.
We're wasting time.
I'll go on, then.
ANGELA: It's him!
No, I can't see for sure but...
- Yeah, that's Frank! JOAN: Let me see!
Right there. Look. Can you see him?.
Come on. Let's go.
Come on, I need to be there, Mum.
Come on, Mum!
My God!
If he touches him before he gets out of the water the swim won't be recognised.
- Don't, Rob! - Don't touch him!
Frank!
Let him get out the water!
What's he want?.
Oh, God!
What?.
Did I miss something?.
- Yes! - Yes!
Yes!
Come on.
DANNY: We did it! We swam the Channel!
Norman!
I took the ferry.
Get the stone. Get the stone.
Pick up a stone.
Yes!